The teenage years are full of firsts: first day of high school, first date, first kiss, fist dance, etc. The first that stands out most to me is the first time I had to be wheeled to the nurse’s office. It was this year. I was in choir and we had gone from standing to sitting to standing multiple times; plus, it was really loud. My teacher let us finish a few minutes before the bell rang, so I walked over to my stuff. I was feeling light-headed and planned to stop by the nurse’s office to lie down for a few minutes, but when I bent down to pick up my stuff, it got worse and the shaking started. My friends around me started to notice and helped me lie down and put my feet up. My teacher called the office and the nurse came running with the wheelchair. Once I was in the wheelchair, the only way out was right in front of my whole class, who of course were staring.
I hadn’t told many people about my POTS. Until I started this blog, really, I was trying to hide it as much as possible. I was so embarrassed that day, afraid people would think differently of me. I shouldn’t have been, though. Yes, it was bad having a spell in front of people-it’s always hard being weak and vulnerable in public- but I shouldn’t be embarrassed of something that is so much a part of me, and I shouldn’t be worried about what people think. If people get weird because of my sickness, then they’re not the right people to be in my life. Spells will happen, and instead of worrying about what people will think, I need to befriend people who will love me through it.